How to Get Your Ex Back If You’re Sure You Want Him Back

It's a hard time after a breakup. You're newly single and everything seems overwhelming. You constantly find yourself remembering him, the good times, the joyous moments, and even the conflicts that ended in reconciliation.

Could his departure have been prevented, and you're now questioning what could have been done? Or was the breakup mutually agreed upon initially, but now you regret your decision to let him go? Or was it you who ended things, now feeling the absence more than you anticipated?

Woman in bed sad

Sometimes we break up with our significant other because of a huge fight. And when the anger is gone, all we want to do is to snuggle him, yet it’s too late. Or maybe it was due to distrust, or moreover, it was cheating that led both of you to give up on the relationship.

Whatever the reason is, losing someone you love hurts. Even more so if that person was the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. It could be so painful losing a considerable part of your life that it makes your heart feel like it has been shattered into small pieces. You can’t breathe, you can’t sleep, and all you want to do is curl up in bed and drown in your tears.

We’ve been there. We know how it feels. But trust us, it gets better, girl! And we also want to tell you that it’s not the end of the world because yes, you can still get him back! 

In this article, we will tell you exactly how you can get your ex back and how to keep him permanently.

Reasons to Get Back With Your Ex

Couple in bed

Breakups, most of the time, are not permanent and can be reversed. Exes tend to get back together, and it happens more frequently than you think. There are various reasons why a relationship should not go to waste. And right now we will justify your decision why you need to get back together with your ex.

1. You know you’re the one for each other

Sometimes, you just know if the person is meant for you. You have the gut feel, and you know deep down in your heart that

he is the one for you. If this is you, well that is enough reason to try and get your ex back.

2. The breakup was a spur of the moment thing

There is a saying, “Don’t make decisions when you’re mad and don’t make promises when you’re happy.” Doing so would only lead to regrettable decisions and broken promises. Nevertheless, most couples tend to break up in the middle or at the end of a heated argument. They didn’t intend to break up, but at that moment, they just wanted to get away from each other; thus, they broke up.

3. The reason for the break-up can be solved

The number one influencer of a breakup is the reason behind it. No couple breaks up just because they want to. If the reason for your breakup is something that could be solved, then maybe you could draw up a solution to address the problem.

  • One of you simply “didn’t have the time?” Here’s a fact: you can never be too busy for the person that you love. Even the president can maintain a healthy relationship, what’s your excuse?

 4. The break-up was due to unsuitable circumstance

Some couples break up because of unfavourable circumstances. Maybe because one of you moved cities, or one of you got relocated to another country for work. Perhaps you broke up because you got scared or overwhelmed about what could happen in the future. When circumstances have changed, it’s worth a try getting back together.

5. Your friends and family think that getting back together is a good idea

Most of the time, if your friends and family hear that you and your boyfriend have broken up, they would support you and say just to move on. However, when they think that it’s better to get back with your ex, then that means they see the potential of your relationship. Your family and friends know you better than anyone else, and when they see that you and your ex are good together, then maybe it’s worth a try to fix the relationship.

Tips on How to Get Your Ex Back

Getting your ex back is not rocket science. If you both loved one another and shared more happy times than moments when you just can’t get away from each other, then you should not lose hope. Chances are, your ex is also thinking about getting back together with you, especially if the reason why you broke up is due to a conflict that can be resolved.

Regardless, here are tips that will surely work in getting your ex back:

1. Do not contact your ex at all

Woman holding phone no contact

The first thing you have to do right after a breakup is to cut all possible lines of contact with your ex. Do this at least for a couple of weeks. Don’t convince him that you will change. Don’t chase and beg him to take you back. More often than not, doing so would only push him farther apart and harm your chances of getting back together.

If you’re still at the point of stalking or checking what he is doing at different times of day, you have to stop! Unfollow him on all social media websites. Avoid all the places wherein you could “accidentally” bump into him.

Sometimes, when you remove all contact with your ex, he could change his mind all on his own. He will miss having someone to talk to about his little wins or frustrations during the day. He will long for the routines you previously had.

“What if he contacts me first?”

If he contacts you within the month of your no contact rule, you should gauge his intentions of calling you. If he calls you in the wee hours of the morning, don’t answer. Chances are, it’s either a booty call or a drunk call.

If he asks if you could meet up, you could ask him as well why he wants to. If he says he wants to talk, it’s up to you if you’re ready. If you meet up with him, just listen to what he has to say and tell him you need time to think. Don’t come crawling back to him after only one conversation.

If you’re not ready to talk to him, you can ignore him and meet with him when you are. He has to respect the space you need to rebuild yourself.

2. Be a confident, independent woman

Being left by your significant other and still wanting him back doesn’t mean that you should lock yourself in your room and mope until he comes running back. It’s quite the opposite. When men see that the women they left are doing well without them, it hurts their pride, and they feel that they’re missing out. But if you become needy and pathetic, you’re just pushing them farther from you.

You could get a makeover to help you get a fresh start. Yes, it’s cliche, but it does work. You could also do something you’ve always wanted to do but has been put aside due to your busy life.

You have to focus on yourself first—make yourself whole. So in the near time when you’ve mended things with your Ex, he will just be an additional piece to your already whole heart. You won’t need him to come and fill some void in your heart.

“What if he’s asking me to change completely?”

You shouldn’t change your whole personality and character just so a man could appreciate you. If a man loves you, he should accept you for who you are—quirks and all. So if he’s asking you to change completely, and you know that it’s solely for him, maybe you’re better of without him.

Women going out with friends

3. Pretend like you’re unaffected by the breakup

There will be times wherein you may feel lonely or bitter about love. But! Don’t post any negativity on social media. This would not only make you look pathetic, but you might also lose some friends and followers because they don’t like surrounding themselves with a negative vibe.

Instead, focus on yourself first. Sign-up for classes, follow your passion, or travel alone and do some soul searching.

You should also go out with your friends and meet new people. Be the life of the party! Show your ex that you don’t need him in your life to have some fun.

Post photos of yourself that show how confident and happy you are in your current life. If you don’t feel that way inside, there is a saying “Fake it ’til you make it.”

“What if he’s already “moved on”?”

Most guys don’t deal with their feelings after a breakup. Initially, they see the breakup as an opportunity to do now anything they want. They call their friends to party; they meet new people; and, basically do the things they couldn’t do back when they were in a relationship. It would seem like they have moved on, but really, they just haven’t realised how much they’ve lost.

After this “high,” their emotions dive low. They often regret, especially when they see their ex doing good without them. Men are more sensitive than women. And when they truly love someone, they usually always come back. Sometimes even after having relationships with other women, after several years, they still come back to their one great love.

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4. Stimulate the power of attraction

Humans are emotional beings, and there is no doubt that attraction can influence how we think and act. It is also an indisputable fact that there was a point—especially during the first few months of dating—when your ex was deeply attracted to you. The lengthy amount of time spent together could make a person forget the value of what he has. But seeing what he lost with fresh eyes could make him remember.

So, here’s what you do. Together with the no contact strategy and you being unaffected by the breakup, stimulate the power of attraction again. Bring him back to when you started dating. Show him why he was attracted to you—why he loved you in the first place. This could be through appearance or bringing back specific quirks and habits you had before.

It’s easy to stimulate attraction if you get to see each other from time-to-time (e.g. you’re colleagues, or you attend the same university). If you have common friends, you could also trigger the attraction during gatherings. But in the case that there are minimal chances of you running into each other, you could make use of social media to make waves.

“What if we have minimal chances of running into each other?”

If you are no longer connected on social media, for sure you have one follower that is linked to him. There is a high chance that your posts would be relayed to your ex through this friend.

“What if he has blocked me?”

If your ex has blocked your number and in all social media platforms, what you could do is to connect with him through your common friends. However, it might also be best to give him the space he needs. It could be hard to reach him at this point, but maybe it’s for the better.

Couple drinking coffee

5. Meet-up and re-spark the connection

When the time comes that he calls you, answer him if you’re ready. Don’t treat him as an Ex, and don’t beg him to go back—you’re already past that stage. Instead, treat him like an acquaintance, like he’s back to being one of your suitors even though you know you’re a little biased. Answer all his questions on the call and if he asks if he could see you, make plans with him only if you’re ready to see him. Don’t get too excited. Don’t expect anything at all so there would be no room for disappointments.

If he hasn’t contacted you for over two months, you could be proactive and reach out to him.

“You could initially send him a text message to see if and how he responds. You could send a conversation starter such as; “I heard this song (the title of the song), and it reminded me of you.” or “Have you seen (name of the movie that you know he’ll definitely like)? I just watched it, and I remembered you.” These kinds of messages will attract positive feelings because it could remind him of the happy times you spent together. Remember, nostalgia is your friend.

But, if you’re feeling more confident, you could also send a message that is straight to the point such as “Hey, are you free to meet tonight? “or something between the lines of “I’ve been thinking a lot lately, and I’m just wondering if you would like to have a chat? “If he doesn’t reply within a day, and you’re sure that he has seen the message based on his (or his friends’) social media posts, you could give him a call. You have to time the call when he has no excuse but to answer.”

Not sure what texts to send that could spark up a conversation? Download our free PDF guide filled with tips and actual messages you can send him today!

“What if he refuses to meet up with me?”

If he ignores you or outright says no, then maybe he’s not ready yet. And you should respect the time he needs for himself. There’s nothing you can do at this point because forcing him—or asking him repeatedly to meet up with you could push him farther away.

You could also try your common friends, or if you have good connections with his family, that would be better. You could ask them about how he is doing and mention that you would like to talk to him. Maybe they could help you arrange a meeting with him.

The tips we mentioned above cannot happen overnight. More often than not, it takes time for both sides of the relationship to be ready to commit back into a previously fallen relationship. There are times when it makes sense trying to mend a relationship, yet there are also times when you should just move on. The next section of this article dives into this issue.

When it Makes Sense Trying to Get Back With Your Ex

 - When you’re sure that you’re whole and ready

As said above, you have to make yourself complete first before on-boarding another person in your life. Because what tends to happen when another person fills a void on your heart, is that you build your life around them. When they leave, you will be left with nothing but doubts and insecurities, and you wouldn’t want that.

Also, relationships thrive when both individuals are self-assured about themselves. Instead of one pulling the other down, they should both push one another to become even better individuals.

 - When you’re sure he’s also willing to do his part

The real challenge of getting your ex back is not getting him back but keeping him. Unless you talk about the problem that caused you two to break up is left unaddressed, chances are, it will be brought up again on your next big fight.

When all the problems have been straightened out, you must come up with a compromise or a solution to the initial cause of your break up. This is the only way to make sure that those problems won’t come back biting you in the a$s in the future.

 - When he’s persistent in getting back together, and you’re positive you want him back

When it is clear that your ex wants you again, and is insisting that he gets you back, if you’re ready, then go ahead and talk about it. But don’t restart the relationship after only a few calls. And when he does contact you, treat him like an acquaintance—keep your cool in place.

When It Doesn’t Make Sense Trying to Get Back With Your Ex

There are times when getting back with your ex may not be the best idea, after all. Here are five reasons when it doesn’t make sense trying to mend your fallen relationship:

X - If the relationship is toxic in the first place

If your ex is abusive—whether physically or verbally, do not get back with him. You do not deserve to be with someone who doesn’t respect you and only wants to put you down.

A toxic relationship is not just about abuse. Gaslighting or manipulation is also considered a characteristic of an unhealthy relationship. Say your partner does not let you go out with your friends and only wants you for himself, that’s a sign that you should stay away.

X - If you’re missing the relationship and not the person

There could be times when you might feel lonely, and you miss having someone by your side. At these moments, you might be missing having a relationship, but not the person you want to be in a relationship with. 

Before you decide that you want to get back with your ex, you must be sure that it is him that you want, not the act of having a relationship. You have to remember the reason why you and your ex broke up in the first place and see if it’s worth it. Because you know, you could easily have a relationship with another guy.

X - If you’re sure that you’re living a better life without him

After gaining some independence, you will arrive at a stage where you will realize that you are happier without your ex. If this is you, and you’re sure that you’re living a better life without him, just keep on doing what you’re doing and don’t get back together with him. Yes, there may be some lonely nights, but it doesn’t mean that you still need him in your life.

X - If you think that you and your ex won’t ever compromise

Leaving the problem unaddressed would keep it popping up from time-to-time. If your ex refuses to change some of his habits or adjust some things for you, then honey, he’s not worth it! There is someone out there who will respect you and will value you more than him. It’s his loss, not yours!

X - If he has found another woman

If there is another woman involved in your break-up, then getting your ex back would be a real challenge. If he broke up with you for that woman, then there’s only a slim chance of you and him getting back together.

If he has found another woman a few months after your break up, we suggest you try and move on. Yes, it is still possible to get him back. However, you really wouldn’t want to be the reason why a relationship was destroyed.

Are you sure you want to get him back?

If you’re still unsure whether you and your ex getting back together is a good idea, take our quiz below. You should answer truthfully to the questions from our “if you should get your ex back” quiz to help you with your decision.


Keep in mind that it's not only you who should be willing to compromise and adjust for the relationship to work. Doing so would put your partner on a pedestal, and the hurt you will experience in the long run would just be doubled. Both of you should agree to work on the relationship. If you need to move mountains, do it together.

But if you choose not to get back together with your ex, you should put yourself back in the dating scene, or at least widen your network. There are countless Dating Sites  available wherein you can make new connections, or build new friendships to help distract yourself from crawling back to your ex, especially if it's no longer worth it. Author Chris Pleines
Chris Pleines
Founder of Datingscout and Author of the book "Online Dating for Dummies"
Chris founded Datingscout 15 years ago, and today he is one of the leading Online Dating Experts. He is the author of the book "Online Dating for Dummies" and the author of the Internet's largest online dating study analyzing 20 Million Profile Pictures with artificial intelligence. Chris Pleines holds a master degree in media science and appeared in numerous television interviews and publications to give expert advice as well as tips about online dating.